Gold's Fuzzy Slippers and Life Savers
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: It's the day after Christmas and Gold goes to the store . . . forgetting about something he's wearing. And then he meets Regina, who's participating in a name that Life Saver contest. Fluffy cute humor. Baby Regal/Gold fic! Gold Standard AU.


**Gold's Fuzzy Slippers & Life Savers**

**A Once fic**

**Snapegirlkmf**

**This is a fic written for cynicsquest because she won my trivia contest. So enjoy this humorous little one-shot with Rumple and baby Regina, dearie!**

**Also dedicated with extreme respect to the awesome Robert Carlyle!**

**Prompt: Gold forgets he has on his fuzzy slippers and wears them out to the store or somewhere else. How do people react?**

_The day after Christmas:_

Belle was feeling like an ogre had stomped her into the ground the day after Christmas. She was almost thirty-six weeks pregnant and her stomach was the size of a baby elephant, or so she imagined. Her bladder had shrunk to the size of a peanut and her feet seemed to have swollen to clown size overnight. She was currently sitting in Rumple's recliner with her feet propped up on a soft pillow on the footrest, with her favorite cobalt blue and gold afghan over her lap. A cup of tea rested by her elbow and a book, _The Fire Rose by Mercedes Lackey,_ was in her lap, marked with a silver bookmark with the saying _Love is hope, it fuels our dreams_. Alice had given it to her as a present for Christmas, since Belle and she had been best friends since they were both girls in Avonlea, and Belle was the heir to her throne and Alice was an apprentice pastry chef.

On the arm of her chair perched their black Bombay cat, Nala, with her paws tucked beneath her, her green eyes half-closed, purring happily.

"Rumple," Belle called to her husband, who was relaxing on the couch with his own book and his collie puppy, Freya, on his lap. Freya was sleeping on his chest, ignoring, for once, Gold's plush tiger striped slippers, which looked like a tiger's paws, that Regina had bought him for Christmas.

His small niece had picked them out herself, and even though they looked a little silly, Rumple soon found they were very comfortable, and he wore them all the time at home now. Since this was a casual day and he was relaxing, Gold had on simple clothing, a pair of stonewashed jeans and a gray long-sleeved shirt with a plaid flannel of blue and white over it. His hair was flopping over his forehead, almost in his eyes, but unlike most days, he didn't care.

He turned when he heard his wife's voice. "Hey, dearie. You need something?"

"Umm . . . I'm sort of . . . hungry, Rumple," Belle said. "And I think I've run out of Tylenol and my feet hurt."

Rumple winced when he looked at his wife's swollen feet. "Do you want me to give you a massage? Or soak them?"

"Maybe later, I'm trying to finish this last chapter. But . . . could you please run to Granny's and get a hamburger for me?"

"Just a hamburger? Or do you want fries too?"

"Uh . . . a hamburger with Thousand Island, pickles, and onion straws. And whatever you want too."

"Roast beef," Rumple murmured. "With fried onions au jus on a crispy roll. I'll stop by the pharmacy too and pick you up some more Tylenol." It was a good thing Alina, Jimmy, and Rhea and her family were over Bae's, watching _The Hobbit_, because now the two had some time alone. He gently shifted the collie and murmured, "Freya, baby, you have to move. Papa has to get up and go to the store."

The puppy whimpered in her sleep and Rumple caressed her ears before he removed her from his chest and put her on the other end of the couch, wrapped in his afghan. He was sort of sleepy and muzzy headed himself, and went into the bathroom to wash his face before getting into his Cadillac and driving to the diner.

"Okay, Belle. I'll be back in a bit." He blew her a kiss before leaving.

He thought the car felt a little odd when he backed up out of the driveway, but then figured he was just tired and not driving at his best. Luckily Granny's was a mere five minutes away from his house, and Clark's Pharmacy was two doors down. It was still cold, but the citizens of Storybrooke were slowly battling back against the frigid winter and had cleared all the parking lots and sidewalks of the town and sprinkled salt on the roads.

Gold parked his car and clutched his great coat closer to him as he hopped out of it, thankful that Alina had healed his leg during their vacation to Manhattan, so at least he didn't have to worry about navigating slippery parking lots with his cane.

He walked up to the diner, and opened the door for three teenage girls, who had their arms full of bags of food.

"Thanks, Mr. Gold!" one called as she left.

Her companion dropped her wallet and bent to pick it up. "Whoops!" She straightened, and started giggling, then nodded to Gold and followed her other two friends out.

Rumple shook his head and went inside, thinking, _Teenagers today, they act like such bubble heads!_ He prayed that Alina wasn't like that when she was a teenager.

Behind him in the parking lot, the girls were practically falling down, laughing hysterically.

"Oh my God, Becky! Did you _look_ at his—"

"—butt?" finished her friend. "Jeez, Marsha, he's _married_!"

"So? He's still hot!" the third girl giggled.

"Carrie!" gasped Becky, and elbowed her friend.

"Hey! That's _not_ what I was staring at . . . not this time, anyway," Marsha blurted. "Did you see his _shoes?"_

"What about them? So he wears Gucci. They're hot!" Becky remarked dreamily.

"No, no! You didn't see his . . . _fuzzy tiger slippers?_ Oh my God!" Marsha exploded into uncontrollable giggles.

"Mr. Gold was wearing _those_?" gasped Carrie.

"Yup! I don't know how you missed them!" her friend gasped. "I almost died laughing!"

"I wanna see!" cried Becky. "Here. You unlock the car, Marsha, and put the food inside while Carrie and I go check him out! This has to be the funniest thing since the time Miss Blanchard wore one high heel shoe and one flat shoe and both of them were left ones!" She shoved the bags of food and her keys at Marsha and dragged Carrie towards the diner. "C'mon, Carrie!"

As the two girls rushed back into Granny's, Gold was standing at the counter, placing his order for a hamburger and a roast beef sandwich with Ruby.

Ruby wrote everything down in her shorthand, then turned to give the slip to Granny. As she did so, she happened to glance down and saw . . . the fuzzy tiger slippers.

She nearly swallowed her tongue struggling not to laugh.

"Umm . . . do you know . . err . . ." Ruby began, then a customer at a table called for her to refill their coffee, so she had to leave, but she almost spilled coffee down her uniform peeking at Rumple and those _slippers_ and laughing behind her hand.

Carrie and Becky walked into the diner again, and pretended to be looking at some items in the bake case while whispering and giggling with their heads together.

Gold was leaning on the counter, drumming his fingers on it, looking bored.

He was totally unaware that he had left his house with his fuzzy slippers on, and couldn't fathom what in hell those two girls found so funny about the éclairs, pie, crumb cake, and chocolate cake in the bake case. They kept looking at it and cracking up.

_If that's what I have to look forward to when Alina's sixteen, I'm banging my head into a wall. Either that or having Archie put me on some anti-depressants. That girl has a giggle that could cut glass._

Some of the other patrons in the diner peered over to see what was so funny, and as soon as they caught sight of Storybrooke's resident sorcerer with his fuzzy attire, they too started snickering and smiling.

Gold turned about and everyone immediately looked down at their menus and plates. It must be some kind of Christmas high, he thought, shaking his head.

Ruby came out with a bag and handed it to him, accepting his twenty in return. "Uh, Rumple . . ." she began.

"Keep the change, Ruby," he interrupted her. "I've got to be going. Belle needs me to stop at Clark's. Have a nice day!" He then turned and marched out of the diner, trying to ignore the girls' giggling. What airheads!

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

When he entered Clark's Pharmacy, he squinted a little against the bright fluorescent lights in the ceiling, which illuminated the aisles so people could find the medicine or items they needed without a problem. He made a beeline for the aisle with pain relievers in it, and picked up a large bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol.

He was about to walk up to the register, where Tom Clark was, when he saw some lovely chocolate cherry lotion and thought of rubbing some on Belle's poor feet when he got back home. He picked that up too and continued walking. Then he saw some Honey Nut Cheerios and recalled that Alina and Jimmy had finished the box that morning and grabbed that too.

His arms full of purchases, he made his way to the register and heard a familiar voice saying, "Okay, but what do I get if I get it right, Mr. Clark?"

There stood Regina, on a plastic child's stepstool, standing at the counter, staring down at a package of Life Savers.

"Uh . . . you get a free piece of whatever candy you like," Tom replied, smiling at the little imp.

"Regina, what are you doing here?" Rumple asked as he came up to her.

"Unca Rumple!" Regina squealed. "I's doin' a contest!"

"A contest?"

"Yup. Name the Life Saver flavor."

"So far no one's gotten it, Mr. Gold," Tom said.

"Where's your mommy or daddy?" Rumple asked his niece.

"Over there," she waved a hand towards an aisle with feminine hygiene products. "She told me to do the contest while she was shoppin'."

"Okay. So what do you have to do?" asked Rumple, amused.

"She has to name all the Life Saver flavors here in the roll . . . and this new one," Sneezy said, showing him the roll of mystery Life Savers wrapped in silver foil. "But it's hard. You think you can do it, Regina?"

"She's smart, Clark. She might just surprise you," Rumple said fondly.

"Yes!" shrilled the toddler.

"Okay. What's this flavor?" Sneezy pointed to the red Life Saver.

"Cherry!"

"Good. How about this one?"

"Lemon!"

"And this?"

"Orange!"

"Wow! What's this one?"

"Lime!"

Tom looked at Gold. "She's really good for only three."

"I told you so."

"How about this one?" Sneezy asked the child.

"Grape!"

Ton whistled. "You're doing great, Regina!" He set the foil wrapped one down and pulled one out. "Okay . . . now this one you taste . . . and tell me what flavor you think it is."

He laid a pale yellow Life Saver on the counter. "Go ahead, Regina."

Regina picked it up and popped it in her mouth.

She sucked on it for a few moments, her little brow wrinkling. "Umm . . ."

Rumple gave her an encouraging smile. "You can do it."

"Umm . . ."

"Regina, are you doing the contest?" asked Snow, coming up with a greem box in her hand. "Oh, hi, Rumple!" she greeted him. Then she bit her lip when she saw his feet. She cleared her throat and bit her lip, trying to focus on something else. "How's it going, baby?"

"Uh . . ." Regina was still trying to figure it out. It was sweet and yet she wasn't sure . . .

"You want a hint, sweetie?" Tom asked.

"Umm . . . yeah . . ." Regina nodded, still sucking.

"Okay. The flavor's the same as a word that your mommy calls your daddy sometimes," Tom said, and smiled at her. "Now what's that?"

Regina thought hard for a few seconds. Then she screamed, "Eeew!" and spit the Life Saver out onto the counter.

Snow gaped at her.

So did Tom and Rumple.

"Dearie, what's the matter?" her uncle asked.

"It's 'sgusting, Unca Rumple!" Regina cried. "It's asshole flavor!"

There was dead silence in the pharmacy.

Then Tom coughed, sneezed, and muttered, "Uh, excuse me, Snow." He ran for the back room.

Snow was beet red and struggling to maintain her composure.

Rumple's mouth twitched.

"Hey! Did I get it right?" Regina called. "Mr. Clark?"

Rumple lost it then. His shoulders shaking uncontrollably, he darted into the wound care aisle and started laughing hysterically. Only Regina would have said something like that!

"Regina!" her mother gasped.

"What?" her daughter asked innocently. "It's true, Mommy. You called Daddy that this mornin' when he forgot to take Princess out and she peed on your new shoes."

Rumple was leaning on the shelf, almost doubled over laughing after he heard that comment.

So was Tom in the back room.

"Regina, you shouldn't say that word," Snow continued, trying to salvage the situation. "It's not polite!"

"Neither should you," her daughter returned, causing Tom to nearly asphyxiate as he was coming back out.

"Out of the mouths of babes, dearie!" Rumple said, wiping his eyes and picking up his groceries.

Snow huffed and pretended to glare at him. "Like you can talk, Rumple!"

"Just saying, dearie," he smirked.

Then Regina piped up again. "Unca Rumple . . . why're you wearin' your slippers to the store?"

Rumple looked down.

Then he blushed and started laughing harder. "I guess that's what I get for leaving the house half-asleep!"

"Well, at least they match!" Snow admitted, then she busted out laughing too.

When she finally got control of herself, Snow looked at Tom and asked, "So . . . just what _was_ that flavor of Life Saver?"

"It was honey."

"Oh!" Snow giggled. "Sneezy . . . next time try "bees make it" for a clue."

"Sure, Your Highness. And next time . . . watch what you say around the baby!"

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

When Rumple arrived home, Belle took one look at him and cried, "Rumple! You went to the store in your slippers!"

"I know, dearie," he said with a rueful grin, his eyes sparkling. "But if you think that's funny, wait till I tell you what Regina said in the pharmacy . . ."

A few moments later the Victorian was echoing to the sound of both Belle and Rumple laughing.

**A/N: Okay, so the Life Saver thing was a joke I was sent by my niece, but I thought it was so funny and perfect I had to have Regina use it here!**


End file.
